I am cross. I am enraged, incensed, infuriated, livid and not in the least bit happy.
Ok, so it's not actually that bad because I hardly ever get that cross about anything. But if I did...if I was that sort of person, then I would be furious.
But I'm not.
I'm just mildly annoyed really.
Let me explain.
I'm going out tomorrow night.
Brief interlude here as I do a 'whoop whoop', quickly followed a lap of victory around the house.
So a friend is having a birthday party.
It starts at 7pm.
Children are invited.
Except, d'you know what? I quite fancy leaving mine at home. It may sound strange, but sometimes, just sometimes I want to be Emily. I want to stand and talk to people without being called Mummy in adult company. And I want to eat something, anything, without first having to offer it to a child. And I want to have a conversation without having to look over someone's shoulder in case Edie is falling down a flight of stairs or opening front doors or drawing on walls. And I want to take a big, deep breath and know if I hear a child whining, for once it won't be my own. And I want to dance on the table holding a bottle of vodka without fear of embarrassing my children. Ok, maybe not the last one, but hey, you never know!
Anyway, that's my little fantasy. And besides, hubby is around...and as you know, he's never around. So guess what? We've decided to go to the party together and book a babysitter.
Yay. Pause for another air punch.
Except here's the rub.
Claire from up the road can't do it because, well, she's a teenager and I think she may have a life. Kate from nursery can't do it because, erm, she has 'other plans'. Jae from nursery can't do it because she's already babysitting.
But it's all ok. Lucy from nursery can do it.
Phew. That's settled then. I think I may even have spent all day yesterday boasting (to all those who would listen) that we had secured a babysitter and we were going out.
Because this evening Lucy texted me.
'Is it ok if I bring my other half?'
Erm, no not really. You've never actually babysat for us before. I can hardly even remember what you look like because you're from the girl's old nursery and it has been a while, and we have never met your 'other half'. Now, I'm not particularly thrilled at the prospect of paying you £6 per hour to sit and canoodle (or heaven forbid even more) on the sofa with your boyfriend. I mean, seriously, what happens when 5-year-old child wakes up wanting a glass of water only to discover babies aren't made by eating brocoli and rolling dice.
But of course I didn't say that. I thought a quick 'Sorry, but hubby not keen on the idea because we don't know your other half. But we won't be back late so I'm sure you'll have time to see him afterwards. Hope that ok.', would suffice.
Apparently not. Because this is what I received back.
'Im not sure then coz its nice 2 ave company'.
Well maybe if she hadn't written a fucking illiterate text message I might not have become so bloody angry.
'No problem, Lucy', I wrote, 'We'll find someone else. Hope you have a lovely evening with your boyfriend'.
That's me angry you see.
Except, now I can't find anyone else....
Damn it. Damn Lucy and the horse she rode in on.
I will go to the ball....
Now tell me something. Was I wrong? Should I have allowed Lucy to bring her boyfriend? Tell me I was right or I may have to cry...
My book needs you!
1 hour ago