Happy Birthday big girl

To THE most beautiful girl in the world...

(Cut me some slack - I am her Mother).

Happy Birthday little one.

Four years ago today we met for the very first time.

It was just before three o'clock in the morning, 12 days after you were due to arrive and I have to say, it was about bloody time. Not least because we were moving house two weeks later.

I'm sorry if the first noises you heard from me weren't exactly comforting, but you did have rather large shoulders, even then, and gutteral screams were all I could manage. It wasn't your fault sweetie. I think it was more likely the resulting stitches which caused the agony.

When I look at you now I truly do think you're the most beautiful creature in the whole world. You AND your sister of course *cough*. She'd never forgive me.

But four years ago I couldn't have said the same thing. I can't lie. Your face was more than a little squashed, rather angry, and a funny shade of purple. And that rather unsavoury goo you were covered with? Well, let's just say, it did occur to me at the time how lucky I was that I wasn't a lion or a sheep or else I would have had to lick you clean.

*shudder*

But a lot can happen in four years.

And I'm pleased to say that you've had a few baths since then.

It's been a good year being three hasn't it? In fact I know the tantrum you threw last night was only because you were sad to say goodbye to three, wasn't it?

But four is good. At least that's what your sister says. I don't think I can remember that far back.

She says that you'll learn to ride your bike this year because that's what she did. And maybe, just maybe, you'll learn to write your name too. Your mastery of the letter E is certainly coming along nicely.

I can't wait to see what this year holds for you. You're beautiful Edie. You really are. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your Mummy. Your Daddy says it too.

Happy Birthday beautiful.

Toys for a cold and rainy day

My mission for the weekend was to work my way through the ridiculous pile of toys delivered to me by the increasingly amazing and generous ToysRUs.

And just for once I was grateful for storm clouds and freezing temperatures because neither of my girls wanted to leave the house. So if you're looking for something to entertain the troops on a cold and windy day, then look no further.

Now I want you to know that I am always, always honest with my reviews, something which the Hello Kitty Rotator Creator and Skechers Shape-Ups discovered to their dismay. So when I tell you that the following toys were AMAZING, then hopefully you'll know that they really, really were just that. AMAZING.

Sticky Mosaics Unicorns & Ponies.


Why were they amazing? Well if you're a Mother like me who treats five minutes to yourself as a rare and beautiful thing, then this scores maximum points. For near-on two hours*, three girls between the ages of three and six were kept entertained without the need for constant parental intervention.




It was bliss.

For all of us.

I can't say I'll be hanging their, erm 'artwork' on my sitting room wall just yet, but as an exercise in starting and finishing something creative with no mess involved, it was 100% effective.












Similarly, the Sprayza Art Studio, Blendy Pens Medium Art Set and Reeves Painting by Numbers provided a few more hours of entertainment with something creative produced as a result. All four products reviewed come highly recommended by my little, but dedicated band of reviewers.

*And just in case you're interested to know how I spent all that free time, I made a mosaic unicorn myself of course. Well, it looked like such fun!

Pumpkin Designs

Sometimes, just sometimes I like to blow my own trumpet...

And I'd be even more impressed with myself if they hadn't taken 4 hours!

Hello Kitty's a big NO NO

Today I give you our review of the Hello Kitty Rotator Creator.








Positives.

• Anything with Hello Kitty in the title is bound to be a hit in this house. (For the review Edie was wearing her Hello Kitty knickers).


• The cup and stirrer were pink. Always good.
  

Negatives.

• Everything else.


• All too numerous and depressing to re-live.


• Needless to say I shall be crying over my plaster-splattered carpet and brand-new trousers for a while yet.
  

But maybe that's just me. Let my children tell you exactly what they thought too. They're always good for a giggle.

So thanks ToyRUs. We love you. We really do. We're just struggling to love the Rotator Creator. Maybe we just need to give it some time...

Did you like the Baby Alive doll??? Ask the kids...

Since becoming an official ToysRUs 'Toyologist', back in August, I have received an impressive three toy boxes containing a rather hefty amount of toys, especially tailored for my two daughters aged three and six.

I have a lot to thank ToysRUs for.

So how do I thank them?

By completing a grand total of ZERO toy reviews, that's how. I'm sorry ToysRUs, I fear I may have crumbled under the weight of responsibility, not to mention, rather large toy boxes.

However, today I couldn't keep the toys under wraps any longer and the two girls chose their favourite toy out of the 18 for our first review.

Baby Alive Changing Time Baby.

As it says on the box 'I pee and poop'.

Imagine our excitement.

It's been a while since we've seen baby poo in this house.

In fact, not since the incident with the dog.

And then of course there was the, erm, rather large one.

And then the little incident in the car.

And that other incident where I was clearing up chocolate chip cookies. You remember the one.

But don't let me hog the limelight. It's the girls' toy after all. Just click on the video below and let them tell you what they thought.

And just to conclude, after 27 friggin' takes, it may be 'Baby Alive', but Mummy not quite so.

How to deliver an award-winning speech in 10 easy steps

Sorry, did I say award 'winning'?

My mistake.

I meant award 'giving'.

Just a subtle difference.

*cough*

Unfortunately.

I am speaking, of course, of presenting the award for the Funniest Blog at the MADs, the extravaganza that everyone is talking about, which took place last Monday at Butlins in Bognor Regis. I'll try not to delay this post with all the details of just how amazing and wonderful Butlins is because I already did that last year at the launch of the Ocean Hotel. And if you're still sniggering at the thought of me singing Butlins' praises, then click HERE and read my post. I guarantee you'll be sniggering no more.

Anyhooo, this post is not about Butlins, as great as it is, or about Sally Whittle, organiser of the MADs, as great as she is, but about me, as great as I am.

Ahem.

So without further ado, I hereby present you with my guide to preparing, writing and delivering THE presentation speech.

1. Agree three months in advance to present the award.
2. Think nothing more of it.
3. Be told, one month in advance that you will need to deliver a speech as well as the award.
4. Mildly panic, laugh nervously and then think nothing more of it.
5. With two days to go decide that you're going to ad-lib, free-flow, wing it and of course, be a resounding success.
6. With one day to go decide that it might be a better idea to at least jot down some notes.
7. With 12 hours to go, majorly panic, write a speech long enough for ten award ceremonies and go and make a cup of tea while you work out which bits to edit out.
8. With six hours to go, contact professional speech-writing friend who asks you to e-mail speech over.
9. With five-and-a-half hours to go, have said speech completely ripped to pieces with comments such as 'it's dull, flat and completely un-funny'.
10. With four hours to go, google a few parenting jokes, pack your Mum's red dress and hope for the best.

So there you go. And it all seemed so effortless at the time didn't it? Who knew?

Thank you to everyone who laughed at my jokes. Your cheques are in the post.

And of course, a huge congratulations to Slightly South of Sanity who actually won the award, rather than just presented it, meaning that she is much funnier than me and you ought to check out her blog rather than mine.

Until next time x

Laughing out loud - it's good for you

This morning I laughed out loud.

In a coffee shop.

People may even have turned to look.

Part of me wanted to share with them exactly what had made me laugh so loudly, because, d'you know what? It was such a wonderful feeling. Laughing out loud. That sudden, taken by surprise exhalation. No wonder there's such a thing as laughter therapy. The amount of endorphins I must have released would be enough to keep the whole of Brighton happy for a year.

I wanted to stand up and read the article to all those who would listen*. I wanted them to laugh as well. I wanted us all to laugh together. But I didn't think that the middle-aged lady sipping her Chai Tea Latté (I'd been in the queue behind her when she'd ordered) would appreciate Frank Skinner's take on Wayne Rooney's dalliance with a prostitute. But then again, I may have been wrong. It was extremely funny.

So instead I re-read the article, needing to replicate that feeling. The laugh out loud didn't come, obviously, seeing as I had completely taken away any element of surprise, but I smiled nonetheless, happy with the knowledge that I had, albeit for a milisecond, felt on top of the world.

And it got me thinking about what I've been missing this past year because you may or may not have noticed that I have been the world's worst blogger. Not only has my output been shameful, but I've also read a whole lot less than I used to. And I miss it. I miss the poignant posts, the heartfelt ones, the beautifully written ones and the engaging ones, but most of all I miss the funny ones. I miss the ones that make me laugh out loud and spit my PG Tips or my Sauvignon Blanc, depending on the time of the day, all over my keyboard.

However, and this post does have a point...somewhere, I aim to change all that. I aim to laugh every day and if that means blogging more and reading more, then so be it. And by way of celebration, I will be attending the MADs on Monday. And, get this, I will also be presenting an award. Guess what for? The funniest blog. I do so love it when a post comes together.

If you're also going to the MADs, do please come and say hello. I look forward to laughing out loud with you.



*And in fact I wanted to share the article with you too, but The Times wanted to charge me £1 a month to subscribe and I just couldn't do it. So you'll just have to take my word for it. Or go out and buy The Times.