Showing posts with label Butlins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Butlins. Show all posts

Friday, 17 September 2010

How to deliver an award-winning speech in 10 easy steps

Sorry, did I say award 'winning'?

My mistake.

I meant award 'giving'.

Just a subtle difference.

*cough*

Unfortunately.

I am speaking, of course, of presenting the award for the Funniest Blog at the MADs, the extravaganza that everyone is talking about, which took place last Monday at Butlins in Bognor Regis. I'll try not to delay this post with all the details of just how amazing and wonderful Butlins is because I already did that last year at the launch of the Ocean Hotel. And if you're still sniggering at the thought of me singing Butlins' praises, then click HERE and read my post. I guarantee you'll be sniggering no more.

Anyhooo, this post is not about Butlins, as great as it is, or about Sally Whittle, organiser of the MADs, as great as she is, but about me, as great as I am.

Ahem.

So without further ado, I hereby present you with my guide to preparing, writing and delivering THE presentation speech.

  1. Agree three months in advance to present the award.
  2. Think nothing more of it.
  3. Be told, one month in advance that you will need to deliver a speech as well as the award.
  4. Mildly panic, laugh nervously and then think nothing more of it.
  5. With two days to go decide that you're going to ad-lib, free-flow, wing it and of course, be a resounding success.
  6. With one day to go decide that it might be a better idea to at least jot down some notes.
  7. With 12 hours to go, majorly panic, write a speech long enough for ten award ceremonies and go and make a cup of tea while you work out which bits to edit out.
  8. With six hours to go, contact professional speech-writing friend who asks you to e-mail speech over.
  9. With five-and-a-half hours to go, have said speech completely ripped to pieces with comments such as 'it's dull, flat and completely un-funny'.
  10. With four hours to go, google a few parenting jokes, pack your Mum's red dress and hope for the best.

So there you go. And it all seemed so effortless at the time didn't it? Who knew?

Thank you to everyone who laughed at my jokes. Your cheques are in the post.

And of course, a huge congratulations to Slightly South of Sanity who actually won the award, rather than just presented it, meaning that she is much funnier than me and you ought to check out her blog rather than mine.

Until next time x

Sunday, 16 August 2009

Butlins ain't what it used to be

As I was lying on my hotel bed a few nights ago I decided to update my Facebook status. This is what I wrote...

Emily is having the best time at Butlins...seriously.

It was the end of the first day of our two night stay and despite being without a husband, who had yet again been called away on a job, the two girls and I had had a blast.

When I checked Facebook the following day I was met with a deluge of negative comments.

*Oh sweetheart, you have obviously lost your mind. We took the kids one rainy weekend and I just about lasted without killing myself or the kids. You are a stronger woman than me.

*I'm scared for you Em.

And this one was perhaps the most telling...

*But you're middle class. For God's sake don't let the girls speak French. You'll get lynched.

I can't say I was totally shocked by the reaction - Butlins, (if you're reading this from overseas) is well-known as the destination of choice for the working man and his family. And how many middle-class people holiday in Britain these days anyway?

Well, quite a few it seems. That is, if they even holiday at all. Thanks to the Credit Crunch, middle classes especially, are choosing to holiday on home soil, which is perhaps why Butlins continued to forge ahead with the development of a brand new £20 million Ocean Spa Hotel, when other competitors were making cutbacks.

I knew a while ago that my only hope for a holiday this Summer would be a week in Norfolk visiting the Grandparents, so when I heard that Butlins were inviting all manner of press, including bloggers to come along for the launch of the Ocean Hotel in Bognor Regis, I jumped at the chance. Renée herself had been known to shriek with excitement every time she saw the adverts on television, complete with smiling children and waterslides - asking if one day we'd be able to go there. "Of course, darling", I would say "Of course we'll go there...one day", hoping that she would forget the request and I'd never have to fulfill her dream.
So it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I loaded up the car and headed off. Would we be lynched as my friend had envisaged? Would I be on my knees threatening to kill myself before the two days were up? I sincerely hoped not, especially as I was on my own with the two girls and the responsibility to bring them home safe and sound was solely mine.

But I needn't have worried about a thing. I mean, does this look like the sort of place you'd be lynched?


Exactly.

The Ocean Hotel itself is visually breathtaking, especially in the bright sunshine which we were unbelieveably lucky to have...and once inside it didn't disappoint either. The yellow tub chairs, slightly reminiscent of early series of Big Brother, set the decorative tone, which was continued throughout the hotel, from the very chic and funky Kaleidescope Restaurant and Bar to the different coloured floors of the hotel.


The disco mirrored lifts were a novelty, for perhaps the first five times, but when your child has gone missing and you're frantically trying to reach your bedroom in the vain hope that they might actually have made their own way there, then flashing lights and Bee Gees screeching in your ears is perhaps not the most soothing of atmospheres. I'm not saying that actually happened to us of course...cough... splutter...I'm just saying if it happened.

As with most hotels, there are rooms with fantastic views and rooms with views that are far from fantastic. When we were first given a tour of the hotel we were shown both views, in this case one of the sea and one of the car park, yet unaware of which one we had been assigned. So I was somewhat disappointed to find that we had been given the car park view. Strange thing was, on closer inspection, it wasn't the car park view at all - it was in fact, sea view extraordinaire, only with a car park sandwiched in between the hotel and the sea. Now I hate to bite the hand that feeds me, but surely the car park could have been positioned elsewhere? Just a suggestion mind.


The accommodation was otherwise fantatsic. A main room complete with double bed, green suede sofa, fridge, ample storage, plasma television, huge balcony, twin beds in a separate room and a bathroom.

The two girls were ecstatic to see a flat-screen tv in their room as well, only not quite so ecstatic to find that there was no children's tv...just another suggestion for a family friendly hotel...or was it just me not pressing the right buttons? It has been known...

But the real reason why I think you'd be drawn to this hotel is for the exceptional Spa.




Inside there's a sauna, a snow cave (one of only two in the country), an outdoor hot tub, hydrospa, steam room, relaxation pods, 'disco' showers, plus an inordinate amount of treaments available to book. I'd originally reserved a complimentary spa treatment, but on learning that my husband was unable to make it, I had been forced to cancel, there being no one to look after the children. And as I enviously eyed-up the other bloggers sloping off for their manicures and facials, I made a last-ditch attempt to enquire about creche facilities.

'Oh yes. We have a nursery. Would you like me to make a reservation for your children?'

I think I nearly kissed the woman. Instead, I promptly booked my little ones in for a two-hour nursery session. Now apart from the nursery being as far away from the spa as was geographically possible and unable to reach without passing through the cavernous indoor activity area which was full of every kiddie ride imaginable... which meant I was at least half an hour late for the spa, the experience was unequalled.




I had the pleasure of getting to know a couple of other fabulous bloggers - Elsie Button and MrsOMGWe'rePregnant, in the open-air hot tub and I even managed to sneak in a quick pedicure.



It was bliss.

When I collected the girls from the nursery they too seemed to have had a great time - brandishing, as they were, newly-painted bits of paper to show for their morning's work.

The other rides we tried were the Merry-Go-Round, trampolines, tug boat and climbing frames. But perhaps the best outdoor entertainment were the karts which could be driven around the complex, either solo, as a couple, or as a foursome. Renée and Nixdminx's Miniminx hired one... and off they went...it was a moment of independence which I think Renée will remember forever. As for Edie, she was a tiny bit too small to go on a lot of the rides which her older sister was able to go on which meant me having to pre-empt tantrums with promises of lolipops and ice cream, but they seemed to do the trick nicely...

We even made two appearances at the Splash Waterworld complex - which included waterslides, flumes, rapids, wave machines, paddling pools and water cannons. The children loved it. But for me, as a Mother on her own with two small children, it was probably the most unrelaxing part of the stay. Unrelaxing and just a tiny bit unsanitary too. I did spy rather a lot of floating plasters and the underside of my right foot is starting to tingle just a touch...

As for the famous redcoats and the evening entertainment - we had been promised Eoghan Quigg and Chico from the X-Factor - and although I wasn't completely enthralled by the lineup, the queues were far too long for me to even consider going along with two children. Instead I opted for a few drinks with some other Mummy Bloggers and called it a night.

There are many more stories to tell you, aside from how much fun it was hanging out with all the bloggers and their families, but this post has taken far too long already. So I will just leave you with this instead...

Did I enjoy my stay?
Absolutely. Definitely. I had a blast. And so did the girls.

Has it changed my perception of Butlins?
Yes, without a doubt.

Would I go again?
Yes, for the Ocean Hotel alone.

So that's all for now. Thanks to everyone at Butlins who made our stay so special. I'm sure we'll be back. Maybe next time I'll bring hubby along and I can enjoy the spa for a wee bit longer. And finally, thanks also to the other bloggers who made it even more fun...
NixdMinx, And1MoreMeans4, PerfectlyHappyMum, ZooArchaeologist, DaddaCool, SingleParentDad, Part Mummy, Part Me, Elsie Button, MrsOMGWe'rePregnant, HaveALovelyTime, FunnyWomenMedia.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

A blogging breakdown













So first thing's first....

I'm having a blogging breakdown (image above courtesy of Posh Totty).

My brother called me yesterday from Majorca to inform me that I've posted once in two weeks and can I please sort it out because he's bored of logging on to find the same post on pom poms over and over again.

And then there's my Father who was a tad disappointed (although he'd never admit it of course, bless him) to have hosted us all so warmly in Norfolk only to be rewarded with the same one post on pom poms, despite having taken us on a boat trip on the Broads ('surely you had something witty to say about that?'), horse-riding, to festivals, to the sea-side. The list goes on.

Of course I blamed the slow Internet connection in Norfolk for my lack of posting and even believed it myself for a while, but the fact remains that we've been back a week now and the same post on pom poms is still very much the lead story. The truth of the matter is...well, real life has got in the way of blogging. It's the Summer holidays and I have two small children and well, enough said really.

Just one quick mention of my husband who's been laughing at me all evening as I've been trying to take photos of pom poms. I even threatened to write something mean about him on my blog if he didn't help me, but alas, he laughed again and continued to watch French news.

Aaaaargggghhh.

I'm all alone in this world. Forgive me if I haven't visited you in a while. I promise I haven't fogotten.

BUT, I will be posting and commenting next week because I'm off to Butlins!!!!!!!! Yay. We had planned to go as a family of four, but hubby unfortunately has a week's work (surf road trip to France) lined up, so I'm coming on my own with the two girls. If you see me hovering in the corner desperately looking around for someone to talk to, then please come and say hello. I've already relinquished my Spa Treatment due to no hubby and small children so I may need a bit of cheering up.

Until then, I'm going to leave you with a couple of photos of THE pom pom. Don't say I don't spoil you.















If you're contemplating making a pom pom, then be sure to keep it even all the way round, just like this one.
















And of course, don't forget - each thread needs to be exactly the same length.





















Never forget who you're making it for.