Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Death

My Granny died today.

I'm not sure how else to start a post like this, except that way.

She died. She fell down the stairs, broke her hip and wasn't found for more than 24 hours, by which time her kidneys had been damaged due to dehydration. When the doctors operated on her, she was too weak to make it through.

She was 85.

When I told Renée, she was sad because she said it meant Nanny wouldn't get her letter from the Queen, not that the Queen even sends letters anymore, but Renée seemed to think she did.

No, she won't get her letter from the Queen.

Renée also said that there'll be no more sticky jellybeans covered in fluff and hair from her pocket. She's right. There'll be no more of those.

I feel bereft. It was a struggle to put the girls to bed. A struggle to hold it together before I could allow myself to cry, alone.

But that's what I'm doing now. I'm crying big fat tears and it's ok. I don't think she'd mind. I think she'd like it that I cared enough.

I knew one day she'd be gone. It's normally just a matter of time, isn't it? I just didn't think it would be today. I didn't want it to be today, or any day for that matter. You never want the people you love to die do you?

And what happens now? I have no more grandparents left which means we've all moved one level further up the tree of life. And so it continues. Life and death. Death and life.

Nanny, we love you. Enjoy the peace and happiness that I know is waiting for you.

45 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. I hope your Granny rests in peace forever and for all eternity.

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  2. Oh hunni. Sending really massively big hugs. I've lost one set of grandparents and I fear the day I lose the other two. She sounds like a wonderful great grandmother to your children and will no doubt be sorely missed by the children and yourself of course. May she sleep peacefully. Just remember your never alone xx

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  3. I am so sorry.

    One day it will be a comfort that she knew your girls and that with your help they will have memories of her.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you, and your lovely girls. x

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  5. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you all.

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  6. So sorry *hugs* sending lots of love your way

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  7. It's not original, but it is meant: I'm so sorry, and I'm thinking of you all.

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  8. So sorry lovely. ((Hugs))

    xxxxxxxxx

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  9. How very sad to read. You are in my thoughts - Its hard & it hurts, I think it's good to cry if thats what you need at the time. I cried in front of my smalls when we lost my MIL in December - & we still talk about her a lot, the happy, funny things, she was such a huge part of our lives.

    What a lovely photo of Grandma & your little ladies

    Take care

    Lx

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  10. Oh, huge, big hugs to you Emily...much love xx

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  11. Emily, you are so sweet. I am crying big tears for your Nanny too. I bought you a little necklace this afternoon about 3.15pm of a dove flying freely. Maybe think of your beautiful Nanny like this now... and we will one day join her. The necklace can be your Nanny necklace - the free little dove singing sweetly in the trees. All my love you precious and beautiful friend xxxx Juliette xxxxx

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  12. Really sorry, hun. Thinking of you.

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  13. My grandma also died after falling down the stairs - so I can absolutely relate to the sense of, "Why today?" Such things are so shocking, even if you know logically that you don't have many years left with that person.

    So, so sorry about your Nanny, Emily.

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  14. Sorry to hear your sad news. Please don't cry alone. Surround yourself with people who love you and will help you through this time. Big fat tears don't fall as hard when they're cried onto someone elses shoulder.

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  15. Much love from me. And you're right, it's okay to cry xxx

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  16. Sorry to hear your sad news. I hope the lovely memories will comfort you.

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  17. You and your family are in my thoughts. Hold on to the memories

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  18. I am so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you. xxxx

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  19. What a sad post, but full of some lovely thoughts! You have a good cry and don't stop until you feel you've cried enough. Take care x

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  20. Oh Emily, it's a long time since I have read your blog and I am so sorry for you that I've come back to read this. Cry your heart out for a lovely lady in your life, I am so sorry to read about how the end came for her, you must be heartbroken. Sending you lots of love and am in awe as ever at your gorgeous girls.

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  21. So sorry for your loss and thinking of you at this difficult time. She will be somewhere wonderful drinking tea with all her old friends and watching over you all. Don't worry.

    BM x

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  22. I'm so very sorry for your loss but she was a lucky lady to have had such a loving family, as you were lucky to have her in your lives. Hug x

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  23. Really sorry to read about your sad news. X

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  24. I'm sorry, Em.
    My favourite comforting quote comes from Alice Thomas Ellis, writing about her son. She said, "I know he's dead because I sat with him while he died but on the other hand he's not. I think it most likely that our dead aren't nearly as far away as Scotland."

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  25. A sad tale beautifully told.

    Blessings in a "difficult" time, Emily.

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  26. It doesn't matter how old they are. It doesn't make you feel any better that they've 'had a good life'. It's just hard, that's all. Sorry to hear the news. Lovely happy photo.

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  27. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs.

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  28. I've just stumbled across your blog. I'm so so sorry to hear about the loss of your granny x

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  29. So sorry about your loss ((( hugs ))) x

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  30. Oh, I am SO sorry! I am really truly sorry. ((hugs))

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  31. Oh shit, if only I had known, I had hugged you once more and force-fed you another slice of that chocolate cake to make you feel better. x

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  32. She looks lovely. I am so sorry you lost her but she will always be with you I am sure. Take care xx

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  33. Such a terrible thing to happen. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

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  34. Oh, so sorry to hear this. My parents are in their 80s, and I worry about something like this happening.

    Thoughts are with you. x

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  35. Oh Emily... I know this is getting through a long time on but I'm so sorry to hear about your Granny passing on. It's really hard when you're last Grandparent goes. I remember when my Nan went a week after my Grandad when I was 18. The emotion still feels like yesterday. Sending you the biggest hug xxx

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  36. Oh, I'm so sorry; mine did get the telegram (you have to apply for it, sadly) but died shortly afterwards and it was still a shock and a loss... I'm so sorry, belated sympathy.

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  37. Sorry to hear about your loss. My granny and Uncle died a week apart (but completely unrelated reasons) last year and it was very sad to have to take my son to two funerals before his 1st birthday. I feel blessed to have known them both though as I am sure you feel about your granny.

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  38. A PRAYER FOR EMILY ON THE DAY SHE LOST HER GRANNY

    Let us pray today for Emily
    Because today her femily
    Lost the greatest granny
    That there has ever been.

    I’m afraid I never met her
    But I know now she won’t get a
    Specially written letter
    From Her Majesty the Queen.

    Take care Edie and Renée
    It’s so sad you’ve lost your Nenée
    (The very best of menée)
    To forces unforeseen.

    A dear one has departed
    So of course you’re broken-hearted
    And adrift on seas uncharted,
    Since Granny’s left the scene.

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  39. So so sorry lovely. I hope you're doing ok. Even when we know it's inevitable it doesn't hurt any less does it. Hugs. xxxx

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