Mother to stay

So The Mother has arrived...and just in the nick of time, since I have been without help or (adult) company for almost a week now. And there I was thinking I had been coping unbelievably well - I mean I almost had a spring in my step - until I was stopped not once, or even twice, but three times yesterday by people asking me if I was 'ok'. One even asked if I'd been cying (I hadn't)...although I had come pretty close. The first time I tried not to take it personally - I mean I wasn't exactly looking my best. The second time made me think that maybe I should at least have put on some sunglasses, but by the third time, well, let's just say she won't be asking me that question again. I mean what do they expect? My husband is away, the au pair has left us, Edie's been up half the night with sore gums and they have both woken up at 6am for the past four mornings. Not to mention the fact that I've been swimming and my hair has frizzed up, and I haven't had time to locate any clean clothes or even makeup for that matter. Now I know I am in the habit of looking like a supermodel every day (ahem), but please give me a break...

So The Mother...how can I put this? She likes a clean house. Well you can imagine after the comments about my appearance, what the house was looking like. Not a pretty sight. So she was due in at lunchtime, which gave me the morning to tidy up. And taking Edie's swimming lesson into account it actually gave me only an hour to tidy up which is what I need on a good day anyway. The odds were not with me. But for some reason I just couldn't do it. My love of procrastination coupled with about five tea beaks were not in the least bit helpful. And when the doorbell rang about an hour before she was due, my heart nearly stopped. But, thankfully it was the Tesco delivery man with my food shopping for the week. 'Real' supermarket shopping with two children would have just about finished me off.

But it's never that simple is it? Not only were my delux sesame and honey biscuits 'unavailable', but the delivery man had just about the worst body odour I have ever smelt. I mean I know it was a warm day yesterday, but please. Just one waft was enough to make my knees buckle, not to mention the damage it was doing to the already less than fresh air in the house. And with The Mother arriving imminently, I started to panic ever so slightly. And even more so when the phone rang. 'Darling, I got the earlier train. I'll be with you in 15 minutes.'

Windows were opened, sprays were sprayed, food was put away hastily, beds were made, carpets were vacuumed, clothes were folded, tables were wiped. You get the picture. All that in 15 minutes. When I finally opened the door I was, how shall I put this? A little breathless verging on hysterical. 'Hi Mum. Good journey?' I waited with baited breath as she scoured her surroundings. 'Darling, the house looks beautiful'. And then she looked at me. 'You, on the other hand...'

Damn. If only I had had that extra 15 minutes...