tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post4430860132369008178..comments2024-01-12T00:43:40.037+00:00Comments on Maternal Tales from the South Coast: What does it mean to be a friend?Maternal Taleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-72855878353989163052010-01-03T22:16:42.258+00:002010-01-03T22:16:42.258+00:00English - Oh darling thank you. Yes, being there ...English - Oh darling thank you. Yes, being there (even if not in the physical sense) is important, and understanding too. Maybe I just wasn't there for my friend - maybe she never made me realise that she needed me too. Oh bollocks. I really am a crap friend. But then she is too. We're all crap and I think I may go and pour myself another glass of wine now!<br /><br />Iota - I know the 'better offer' thing was very strange and yes, hurtful too. Unfortunately I explained everything - that I'd never had a better offer, that I would never have chosen to do anything over seeing her other than in an emergency (ie ill children, etc), but it didn't make a difference. I must have really screwed up somewhere else way back without even knowing. Sad...<br /><br />Baby Not Included - I know - I would have liked to think that she would have been more understanding too. In fact, I'm shocked by her reaction, but maybe I'd been annoying her for a while and she just never said! Sad that she couldn't tell me though. Makes me annoyed with myself for having misread everything. But yes, it's hideously difficult to maintain friendships as much as you would like once you have children. C'est la vie I suppose!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-40154173508866460412009-12-30T13:12:53.369+00:002009-12-30T13:12:53.369+00:00Well, I've only just found the time to read yo...Well, I've only just found the time to read your post and I can totally relate to this. I feel like I have to split myself into a million different pieces just so there's enough of me to go around. I quite often don't get to see people for months on end. There has to be a lot of give and take when you have children, and most often its you that misses out whether it be a drink with friends or a day shopping. I'd like to think that my friends would be slightly more understanding though...Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03044199864975676075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-37186355372436823592009-12-26T05:01:18.282+00:002009-12-26T05:01:18.282+00:00I think the 'better offer' thing is very h...I think the 'better offer' thing is very hurtful, but it doesn't sound to me at all as if that's what you've been doing. Can you explain that to your friend and ask for another chance?Iota https://www.blogger.com/profile/08507184283437057648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-70671292445606531142009-12-23T21:36:12.820+00:002009-12-23T21:36:12.820+00:00A bit late to this party, but hey, it's Christ...A bit late to this party, but hey, it's Christmas Eve Eve and I'm spending a rather happy evening trolling through all the blog posts I've missed while being offline for the last two weeks.<br /><br />All I'd say is what I always say to my boys: being a friend means understanding, accepting and being there. Sometimes your friends will do stuff you don't like, or be grumpy, but that's when they need you most.<br /><br />I know, I know... sometimes friendships, like other relationships, just run their natural course, but I think your mate could have been a tad more understanding. I bet you're a lovely friend. Having spent 4 years in a different country to my friends, and maintaining our relationships via text and email, I'm convinced it doesn't matter how many times you see a friend, just as long you're there for them. <br /><br />I'll shut up now..xEnglish Mumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05761258925161245115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-65566219274724326982009-12-16T23:20:34.441+00:002009-12-16T23:20:34.441+00:00Snaffles - Oh thank you for such a lovely comment....Snaffles - Oh thank you for such a lovely comment. I know you're right - a true friend is everything you say and more. I guess I'm just sad that I thought she was a true friend and she's proved that she's not. Sad for both of us I think.<br /><br />Mamma Po - Gosh you must have read all the replies - you must have been here forever!! Thanks for being so lovely. Yes, I think that's the most shocking bit really - that her dropping of me came totally out of the blue. If she had shown me her disappointment or annoyance when I had let her down initially then maybe things would have been different. And yes, shocking that she also has children - I definitely thought she would have understood, but I think her expectations of me were too high unfortunately.<br /><br />Sparx - Oh no! How annoying for you. Happens to me sometimes and I feel like crying - thanks for coming back to comment again! And yes, you're right - a true friend definitely shows understanding. Am seriously still in shock about what actually just happened. She doesn't want to be my friend?? I mean, come on...!!! ;-)) x<br /><br />ibhh - Oh what a long comment - how wonderful!! Thanks for being so lovely. And yes, I totally agree with all that you've said. Friendship is definitely a two-way thing and I never expected her to always make the effort - and I know that friends need to be told that they're loved and special - and I really thought I did that. Yes, I did cancel seeing her, but she always made me feel like she totaly understood...and I really thought she did. And I think you did the right thing with your friend - by telling him - and I thought that this friend would have done the same with me - at least told me that she was pissed off and allowed me to make amends. But she didn't and I've found that extremely hurtful. Like I said somewhere above - we all cock up sometimes and real friends will allow us to make mistakes - as long as we know that we're in the wrong and don't do it again.<br /><br />And thanks for being there honey - and I know you're not far (at least not from where my parents live). One day we will meet!!! xxx <br /><br />Nappy Valley - Yes that would annoy me too - the babysitter thing! And yes, I know that cancelling continuosuly was annoying, but it was truly never intentional and she never even told me that she was pissed off until it was too late!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-75950061200111289762009-12-16T19:09:44.272+00:002009-12-16T19:09:44.272+00:00Agree with all the above. She is being the crap fr...Agree with all the above. She is being the crap friend if she can't understand your situation.<br /><br />I've been furious with people before for continuously cancelling on me, but if it is someone with small kids and a genuine excuse then that is absolutely fine and understandable. What annoys me is when I've arranged a babysitter and then a single friend with no kids cancels for a crap reason!nappy valley girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10788949037047084412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-73163556105658513852009-12-16T15:29:49.202+00:002009-12-16T15:29:49.202+00:00I've been keeping up on your posts with my pho...I've been keeping up on your posts with my phone and haven't been able to comment. I really felt this one though and it's been on my mind all week. I feel terrible that you're feeling sad. I agree with the others that a true friendship doesn't mean you're with each other every waking second. However, one of my "best" friends is never the one to initiate contact-- it's always me and sometimes, I'm insecure enough to need to know that even in her crazy, chaotic 8-kid world, I still matter.<br /><br />I had a really close friend in college that would cancel things at the last minute or show up late. One day I finally told him, "If it was your job, you'd make a point of being there. Don't I deserve the same courtesy or respect?" He agreed and we didn't have anymore problems.<br /><br />One thing about a good friendship is that we tend to get complacent and think that "she'll understand" when we cancel or postpone... but truth is, we all need that confirmation that we are important to them. Your cancellations couldn't be helped, your family should come first. Maybe if you continue to try to patch things up, she'll come around. I wouldn't promise that you'll get together more, but you could convince her that she's important to you and her feelings matter. <br />I could go on and on about how she wasn't a very good friend to bail on you like that, but where would that get us?<br />:-)<br />I hope it works out, and if it doesn't? I'm not that far away and I have a husband who is never around and kids who get sick so I will be a great, understanding friend when you have to back out of things!imbeingheldhostagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00771374087307254969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-27373037879499133162009-12-16T09:55:30.336+00:002009-12-16T09:55:30.336+00:00Man, I hate word verification - had a long respons...Man, I hate word verification - had a long response here, posted it, navigated away and at the last second saw the verification... tool late, all gone! crapola.<br /><br />Anyway, I was just echoing your comments above. Real friends don't need to see each other all the time. There are texts and emails, even if infrequent but mostly there is UNDERSTANDING. Seriously, if she ever prioritises friends over her sick children she needs a shaking.Sparxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075991922896922279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-77518903206846206192009-12-15T22:58:21.471+00:002009-12-15T22:58:21.471+00:00As I read your v sad post, I presumed (like so man...As I read your v sad post, I presumed (like so many other readers) that your 'friend' was child-free and therefore didn't understand what it is to be a mummy and how life just goes on hold. Unfortunate but true. <br /><br />But then I read through some of your replies and can't believe she's a mother herself. How could she be so judgemental and unforgiving of you??? It's inexplicable to me - and as you say, having giving no hint of her disappointment on previous occasions, makes it very hard to swallow. And rather dishonest of her to have pretended everything's been ok and then suddenly open the floodgates of her wrath at you. <br /><br />I hope she sees sense and realises how unfair she's been. Bet she misses you masses and will soon be knocking on your door. Or maybe read this blog and wake up to her bad behaviour!Mamma Pohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01391350004179565064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-67375363819708963232009-12-10T09:45:43.109+00:002009-12-10T09:45:43.109+00:00I think its your friend who is the crap friend.
...I think its your friend who is the crap friend. <br /><br />A true friend understands that sometimes life just does not go the way you wanted it to. <br /><br />A true friend deosnt need to be asked to do things to help you. <br /><br />A true friend will know when "im ok" doesnt mean that and will see beyond the plastered on smile and know you need some help or understanding. <br /><br />A true friend would not just drift away. <br /><br />Dont beat yourself up about it. You do what we all do and try. There are only so many balls you can juggle and if your friend doesn not understand this then she is not a friend worth having.<br /><br />huge hugs <br />xxxxSnafflesmummyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10519875505183638267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-50064420109257726022009-12-09T11:45:09.617+00:002009-12-09T11:45:09.617+00:00MadMuma/Karen - hello darling - long time since yo...MadMuma/Karen - hello darling - long time since you've been here. Hope you good. See - we haven't spoken for a while and we're still friends!! And yes, I sthink it's normal to cancel a few times too, but I think I must have done it once too often!<br /><br />Tasha - Oh sweetheart - I really do wish you lived around the corner...right now I would just love to come by for a cuppa. But yes, the asking for help thing is always difficult. Even in an emergency I find it hard. I suppose it has something to do with wanting to reciprocate and knowing that it's not always easy for me to do that. But as the Youtube link from Kassia above says - real friends make you feel good about yourself and want nothing in return. Thanks for all the support. Blogging buddies are the best! Hugs to you my darling and hope you get to catch up on some sleep! xxx<br /><br />French Fancy - Hello lovely and thansk for such a wonderful message. Yes blogging buddies are the best aren't they? Although every now and then when I haven't had time to read or comment then I also feel bad! Like people say, friendship is a two-way street and I do know that so I don't expect to be able to sit back and wait for people to come to me all the time. Lovely as it is!! But yes, true friends are definitely those who you feel comfortable with the moment you see them even if you haven't seen them for ages...<br /><br />muummmmeeeeee - Think I got the letters right! Thansk for the comment sweetie - and yes I know - true friends will always be there for you, but I still can't help feeling bad that I've upset her so much. Maybe I'm shocked that it's turned out this way - shocked surprised and hurt. I'm not one to take liberties but you normally feel that good friends will understand if you cock-up. I mean if you can't cock-up with true friends then who can you cock-up with?? Oh well. Life is way too short!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-42302468005161474052009-12-09T09:56:19.473+00:002009-12-09T09:56:19.473+00:00I don't think you're the crap one at all.....I don't think you're the crap one at all...I think it's your "ex-friend". You've got young children, an often-absent husband and no close family nearby to help you. Life is very fluid and so are friendships but true friends will remain so no matter how much you see of each other. Your priorities at the moment are not worrying over whether you've offended her - I'd say good riddance! I don't see that much of my best friend because her children are older and go to a different school but I adore her, she's the guardian of my children and if we don't see or speak to each other for a couple of months, neither is offended - life is busy but we're always there for one another.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-23480621151378513022009-12-09T08:44:34.768+00:002009-12-09T08:44:34.768+00:00I think the best sort of true friends are those th...I think the best sort of true friends are those that you can pick up the phone to once or year - or meet every few years when one of you is in the same country - and pick up the chat as if you'd just said goodbye the day before.<br /><br />I don't have kids but understand your priority dilemma perfectly. Your kids are quite rightly more important to you than people you know. I think it is normal and if you were my real life friend I would understand. It's proably better for people to pop by and have a cuppa with you at your house than meet outside when a zillion things might get in the way of that.<br /><br />I do like your blog very much and am going to make a real effort to post on here regularly. I'll be your bloggy friend (sometimes I think they are the nicest sort to have and you don't have to worry about them ringing up)French Fancy...https://www.blogger.com/profile/04941577892849157015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-14274473770141391002009-12-09T07:26:06.260+00:002009-12-09T07:26:06.260+00:00Oh honey, you poor thing. It's so difficult to...Oh honey, you poor thing. It's so difficult to keep on top of things and do all you need to do for your kids and with hubby away so much it's even more difficult for you. Most of my close friends are mums, these days - people I used to know at school, but have reconnected with here. I have almost entirely lost contact (except for Facebook status updates) with my closest friend from uni and I have a strong feeling it's because I'm a mum and she's not. I have a feeling I've offended her in some way (and I'm guessing probably not calling enough or missing a birthday or something like that), but have no idea how. But your friend does have children, so she really should understand! I'm guessing that maybe she has a husband who's not away all the time and/or supportive family close by. If not, then she's some kind of superwoman to not ever need to cancel a date! <br /><br />Anyway, I'm rambling. Have not had enough sleep. But I want to say that I have friends who frequently cancel on me, and/or who I don't speak to for months on end. But when we do speak or meet up, it doesn't matter how long it's been. We know each other so well that we just fall into conversation easily. That's what friendship is about these days, I would say. Being at the end of a phoneline for chats (after the girls' bedtime), should be enough and then, when you do get to see each other, it should be truly special, and easy. <br /><br />And... lastly... With your lack of family support, do make sure you ask your (real) friends for help sometimes. Not asking them to look after your sick children so you can go for a coffee, of course, because sick children are not much good with anyone other than mum or dad. But, maybe, now and then one of your friends can look after Edie, so you can spend a morning shopping, or writing, or swimming, or whatever you feel like. If I lived round the corner, I would have Edie come and play sometimes so you could have a break. (And I'd also have her come and play sometimes, so we could just have a chat. But I'd come to you instead if necessary!) Lots of love TxxxCoding Mamma (Tasha)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17374751246656722167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-24036776175099364682009-12-08T23:41:58.886+00:002009-12-08T23:41:58.886+00:00as far as I can tell a true friend is someone you ...as far as I can tell a true friend is someone you can not have spoken too for months but as soon as you do, it's like you've never been apart. And I am always cancelling/ not following through on get togethers etc... I suspect it's normal :)luv Karen (madmuma)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-34572915418475032822009-12-08T23:27:41.078+00:002009-12-08T23:27:41.078+00:00Anonymous - Aah - thank you. What a lovely commen...Anonymous - Aah - thank you. What a lovely comment. I do wonder who you are! But yes, I do also hope that we'll be able to make it up one day. Fingers crossed!<br /><br />Josie - Oh that is just the loveliest comment ever. And yes - please bring cake round - although maybe not right now as I've just eaten a whole box of chocolates and feel terribly sick! Best leave it til the morning. And thansk sweetheart - I think you're right - I do need care and nurturing! So friend, if you're reading this - I need you so stop being so bloody pig-headed and forgive me. Thanks Josie - I needed that! xxxxxx<br /><br />KT - Oh I love that bit in your comment where you say a true friend just gets you. You're so right. A true friend would get my cancellations too methinks!! Just off to drink that gin now!! Thanks m'dear xxx<br /><br />Met Mum - Oh you are such a sweetie pie. Unbelievably my friend does actually have children - two of them and she still manages to keep dates, etc. So that totally shows me up even more! I wish I could say she doesn't have friends so obviously doesn't understand what it's like...but I know she does!! Boo hoo. I'm just crap. Life is difficult isn't it?? xxx<br /><br />Siani - Oh thanks love. At least one person will have me back? Yay to you!!! But yes, funny thing is - this friend also has childrent oo so I thougth she'd understand. It would make it easier if she didn't. Hey ho!<br /><br />zoesee - Hi there and thanks for stopping by. And yes, you're right - I think I'm so disheartened because we chose her to be Edie's godmother - and we chose her because she really is/was an amazing friend...I think I'm still reeling from the shock. But yes, it is definitely more difficult to keep friendships going strong the more friendships you have. I may have to take a leaf out of your book!<br /><br />Sandy - Ha ah - yep think I may have to go and sulk too. Tahnsk for your support sweetie. Yes I think people are strange - although I thought I already knew that. Just didn't think this particular friend was strange, but there you go. You live and learn! xxxMaternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-18322377374165844522009-12-08T23:09:39.180+00:002009-12-08T23:09:39.180+00:00swedafrican - Hi there and thanks for stopping by!...swedafrican - Hi there and thanks for stopping by! I know - you're right. Most of the commenters have said that a true freind will understand and I guess that's why it hurts so much - I thought she was a true friend and this has only gone to prove that she's not! Hey ho...<br /><br />That Girl - Oh honey - thanks for the hugs. And I know - I feel kind of crap and let down just as she does. It's all a mess really but one that I don't seem to be able to sort out which is sad. I'm sad that I've lost a friend and sad that I've obviosuly upset her so much, but like you say, life has just got in the way. Sad, but true.<br /><br />Elsie - e-mailed you earlier - hope you got it. Let me know if not. And thanks sweetheart. Yes, it's horribly sad for both of us as friends, but also for Edie. I feel like I've let her down. Not good!<br /><br />Mwa - Oh I know - I do so understand it from my friend's point of view as well - and I've seriously told her until I'm blue in the face that I screwed up and that I was more than sorry. And I feel totally crap for obviously having upset her to such an extent. I think the thing is though is that she enever made me realise thats he was pissed off. She was always 'oh don't worry darling - I totally understand. This is me you're talking to. You know I understand', etc etc. So it came as a huge shock to know that she felt like that. I wished she'd given me some warning that she was getting pissed off and then maybe I could have done things differently...<br /><br />Hot Cross - Oh I know - i think it's modern life that makes us think we can be all things to all people - like my first friend who thinks she can have all three - friends, family and work. I think it's almost impossible! But thanks darling - I normally don't put myself under so much pressure, but this has upset me rather a lot!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-90528021797441575432009-12-08T23:04:04.281+00:002009-12-08T23:04:04.281+00:00Oh sweetie, everyone's said it all. You're...Oh sweetie, everyone's said it all. You're not a crap friend at all. People are just strange I suppose, I hope you can sort things out. Sending you huge (((HUGS))) x<br />PS The word verification was 'sulking'!sanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12004801243819162845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-52761907857182922582009-12-08T22:56:43.955+00:002009-12-08T22:56:43.955+00:00Anonymous/Claire - Hello darling! Thanks for the ...Anonymous/Claire - Hello darling! Thanks for the comment. I know - can't believe friend and I haven't made it up yet. I think when I last spoke to you I still thought there was hope - definitely don't think there's hope any more. Gutting. And yes, let's get together before 2015!! xxxxxx<br /><br />Rosie - Yep I totally agree - real friends communicate and listen. And I truly thought and hoped that my friend would listen and understand. I also think that if you're true friends you're still allowed to cock-up ocasionally. I apologised profusely, explained everything clearly and thought that we would be able to move on and get over it. I'm very sad that that's not possible. But yes, as a single mother (and I definitely feel like one) it's almost impossible to have a social life. So you have my empathy too x<br /><br />Muddling Along - Oh bless you and thanks for the lovely comment. And I'd really like to say that she's the crap friend and it's a two-way street, but actually she'd always been the good one. I fear that I've let her down once too often and it hurts that I've upset her so much. Maybe her expectations of me were too high. <br /><br />Claire - Oh no - now that's not nice either. Some friends are just too needy sometimes! Didn't think this friend was like that though which is probably why it's hurt so much. I'll get over it! x<br /><br />Alison - Yep you're right. I suppose I'm just reeling from the shock of thinking that we were true friends and that she can be so callous...you live and learn!<br /><br />Grit - I know - you're always right sensible lady. It just sucks cos I thught we were better freinds. Stupid me.Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-12522319865783303402009-12-08T22:36:22.983+00:002009-12-08T22:36:22.983+00:00Kassia - Thank you so much for that YouTube clip -...Kassia - Thank you so much for that YouTube clip - I love it!! And I will definitely play it to my little girls tomorrow - I think they'll love it too. And yep, it's right - true friends make you feel good about yourself and want nothing in return. Yep, yep, yep. Thanks for that xxx<br /><br />Amy - Thank you darling. You're so lovely. Really. But you know what? This friend has been so good to me - she's always the one who comes here and I really do feel like I've let her down. I wish I hadn't and I definitely didn't do it on purpose and I thought she'd understand. I guess I feel crap that I've upset her so much...But yes, I like to think that true and real friends would understand, forgive and move on.<br /><br />notSupermum - Oh honey thanks - yes I do agree with what you've said - and I really hoped that she'd stick with me and I'm almost shocked that she hasn't, but I've never let her down on purpose so it's all just silly really. Sad and silly. Thanks for the support x<br /><br />Slim Lens - Hi there and thanks for stopping by. And yes, wise words all round. you're right - I think maybe high expectations of her has caused the problem. She's done her thing, been a good friend, etc and I haven't been able to match it. It's such a shame, especially as she's my daughter's godmother, but maybe, like you say, we are just no longer compatible.<br /><br />A Modern Mother - I truly never realised it would be this hard! I think the fact that a lot of my friends live in london and we're down here in Brighton has something to do with it as well. I always think I'm capable of meeting people just for the evening, but when it comes to it the effort required is often too much. Sad that we can't have it all hey?!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-64871337341811893232009-12-08T22:20:54.430+00:002009-12-08T22:20:54.430+00:00Brighton Mum - Oh darling your comment did make me...Brighton Mum - Oh darling your comment did make me laugh. Thanks for getting so het up on my behalf - kind of makes me feel better. But yes, I think it's the godmother thing which has hurt the most. And no, she didn't send a card or a pressie or even an acknowledgement. Poor little Edie - no godmother from the age of 3. Thanks Mum!! Good choice there hey?! Thanks for sticking with me sweetie. Good friends will always be good friends no matter how many times they cancel! x<br /><br />Potty - Oh darling - I wish I could say - 'you're right - she has no children' - it would make it a hell of a lot easier to understand, but sadly, no. She has two children. But yes, her husband is around a lot more so thanks for the empathy. I have to say I'm surprised she's been like this. She's one of the ones I always thought would understand...but then I guess that's why it hurts so much!<br /><br />BiB - Oh darling thank you!! (I especially like the bit where you say 'I think you'd be a great friend'). Yes, I like that bit very much! Oh it's never easy is it. I feel crap about it all because actually she's been an amazing friend to me and she does come and see me and she will go out of her way for me and I love her masses, but maybe her expectations of me are too high. That's a hard one to live up to...<br /><br />Lady Mama - did you know you'd left two comments? Bless you for coming back. I shall reply to both of them at once! Yeah, to me being horrible and ignoring, being nasty, rude, all those things - that's a crap friend, so yes, you have made me feel a little better. Thanks! I've definitely let her down and I have told her how sorry I am (quite a few times). It hurts because she won't accept my sorries!<br /><br />nuttycow - Hi there and thanks for popping by. You're right - and I know it's a two-way street, but the worst thing about all of this is that she really has done her bit - she's gone out of her way to come to me on numerous occasions so I know she has a right to feel let down. It's just crap that I've upset her so much. I definitely didn't mean to do that!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-85915389132049910232009-12-08T22:03:12.432+00:002009-12-08T22:03:12.432+00:00Mum'sSurvival - I know what you mean. With me...Mum'sSurvival - I know what you mean. With me it's always the thought that's worse. I often think 'oh I just don't have the energy, I'm too tired, etc' but then when I actually go through with it I'm always glad I did. Sometimes other things just get in the way though and you can't go through with it even if you want to!<br /><br />Very Bored - Oh you're so lovely and I really wish I could say 'yes - you're right - she could have come to me', but sadly, she already had come to me and she already had made loads more ffort...boo hoo - you see? I really am a crap friend. Think I will just go to bed and sob into my pillow now!! xxx<br /><br />ourprivateblog - Oh bless you sweetheart. Did you go and phone your friend? How wonderful if my post made you do that! At least I have something to be pleased about! But thanks, and yes you're right - I know that people change and friendships move on - I just never thought it would with this friend - hence the godmother role. I suppose we all live and learn.<br /><br />WoB - Oh I'm so pleased I'm not the only flaky one (and yes I love that word too). Most of my friends accept that I may let them down but most of them understand too. It's never something I choose to do - and normally something I really can't change. Thanks for the support xx<br /><br />Emily - Oh I don't blame you for having cooled the friendship. After everything I wrote I make it sound as though I don't understand my friend at all, but I do. I also cooled another friendship with someone who was just the flakiest flake, but the last time she let me down was just the latest in a long line of letdowns that I just didn't need. But the thing is with this friend is that she never gave any indication that she had been pissed off with me. When I had cancelled before she had said things like 'I totally understand. Don't be silly. this is me you're talking to. You know I will always understand, etc etc.' I had no idea that I was on my last warning!!!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-71673741636356682422009-12-08T21:46:15.001+00:002009-12-08T21:46:15.001+00:00Surprised - Yep best friends are definitely the on...Surprised - Yep best friends are definitely the ones you don't see for an age, meet up and then feel like no time has passed. I can definitely see how depression and a baby can get in the way of friendships...am glad you're getting back in the loop x<br /><br />Liz (VP) - You know what? I feel rubbish for not having made my post clearer, but my friend who now doesn't want to be friends does have children!!! Two of them. Unbelievable I know. And she has definitely surprised me because I thought she'd have more empathy, but everybody's life is different and as I said to her in one of my many messages - she can't imagine what it's liek to live my life - just as I can't imagine what it's like to live hers! Anyway, deep breaths and thanks for the hugs xx <br /><br />Freddo - Ha ha. Oh you're so right! But then you would never have loved me so much if I hadn't been so hard to get!! No one likes them easy!<br /><br />Maddie - Oh yes you sound like me. I really do try, but I'm definitley happier receiving calls than making them! I often find that I'll put the evening aside to catch up on phonecalls (because no one wants a chat when your child is screeching in the background), but then when it comes to the evening I'm always too exhausted. I never seem to learn though.<br /><br />Liz (LwK) - I know - I love FB too - there's nothing like finding out what your friends are up to without having to actually speak to them! I always get a fright when someone actually calls me! But I find that the longer I leave it, the longer the conversation has to be to cathc up on all that's been missed, so the more I put it off. It's never-ending!Maternal Taleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04075679022964297682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-35636013818803039942009-12-08T20:31:35.265+00:002009-12-08T20:31:35.265+00:00Seems like a popular post. Guess it touches a nerv...Seems like a popular post. Guess it touches a nerve in a lot of us. Having kids and stopping the career ladder has changed the relationships with a lot of my friends. What I have loved the most are the ones who have reacted so positively to my children and accepted them as new friends to them. <br /><br />Ignore those that fall to the wayside and look for those that have raised their game to enjoy this new episode in your life. It must be disheartening when you felt the relationship was so strong you asked her to be a godmother, but at least you know now.<br /><br />I know that I have let friends down, but I only have so much to give. The friends I have now are fewer, but the quality has definitely improved!zoeseenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293793938766074805.post-83671318397577451712009-12-08T20:28:08.139+00:002009-12-08T20:28:08.139+00:00Everyone has already said what I wanted to say, an...Everyone has already said what I wanted to say, and probably much more eloquently than I could! I was the first of my friends to have babies; most visited once and never bothered with me again. It hurt so much, I tried as hard as I could but at the end of the day, they just didn't get it. The new mummy friends I've made have literally saved my life. A good friend forgives things like this, compromises, offers help... Perhaps she will understand one day what she has thrown away. If I was closer I'd have your back :)Siani Biddlecombenoreply@blogger.com